Lately i've noticed the TV blaring the same thing at my face: Do you live life to the full? Do you live life to 100%? Do you get the fucking most out of life? What the fuck? You, the TV, asking me if i'm living life to the limit --- hang on Detective Constable Ironic, what exactly was the TV's idea of a perfect 10/10 life again? Oh yes, when we look back at 80 and think of the good times, we'll tell the grommets about:
-The time we spent an hour smiling insanely whilst selecting floor tiles,
-That awesome Go-Duster that made dusting tearfully orgasmic,
-Everybody on the beach crowding around some guy's new Motorola Compensating For Something X120000 Touch-Fone Fuckananza?

I'm sorry Mr Telly, your papers are not in order.
There is one ad in particular i find most cause for whining about. Some generic guy in a business suit is walking hurriedly across a field, and suddenly stops to kick a ball back to some unseen people. He smiles and a picture appears of Mersyndathol or some other misspelt pharmaceutical dung. The tagline reads, 'Live Life at 100%'.

Apparently, 'living' 'life' means wasting our narrow minds on office work, being good little economic units, and if it gets too much, fuck, take a Panadeine, then get back to it.
This is what we live in.
Amazing.

On the other side, how the hell is it even possible to live life 'to the full?' If we really were that perpetually hyperactive we probably would need Panadol Migraine dissolved into our hourly coffees.
Life is becoming so mainstream. Anyone seen Bert's Family Feud? Now all aspects of our existence are categorized into 10 or 15 pigeonholes, and if we suggest an alternative, BAP, you're wrong.

Yes, you too can rage against the machine. Just send me your name, address, pin and account number and record collection, and I will send you my self-authorised novel titled 'It's All Gone To Shit: How To Work Yourself Up Into A Tizzy'.

And what the fuck's with blogging? What a gay waste of time.

Questions? Comments? Suggestions?

Eat it.